The Importance of Friendship

Photo by Marcus Wallis on Unsplash

I heard on the radio today the idea that we as a society have downplayed the importance as well as the role of friendship. The commentator went on to argue that what we have done is relegate all intimacy to only one kind of relationship, namely a romantic one. Having done so we have cut ourselves off from a major aspect of life and one that is of critical importance to our health and our development; physically, mentally, and spiritually.

I’ve had some time to reflect on this and I cannot help but agree. We as people have slowly grown further and further apart or at least it seems to be that way. Nearly everyone I’ve talked to agrees that these days it would be practically unthinkable to strike up a conversation with a stranger in the checkout line or in a park or on a bus. We have been trained to not ‘bother’ anyone else and that any intrusion into our day by someone we do not already know is unwanted, disrespectful, and weird. You leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone.

At the very least I see this in my own life. I don’t have any problems with social interaction and neither I nor anyone I know would ever describe me as shy but I’m not one to begin conversation and I’m very nearly never one to introduce myself for no reason. I sometimes use the self checkout machines at the grocery store not only for the speed but also so I don’t have to talk to anyone. I’m working on it and I’m trying to do better but I still will chose to keep to myself more often than not.

Yet thinking about this behavior, this practically ingrained perspective, I cannot help but see the inherent loneliness. It’s very easy for someone in our modern world to wake up alone, go to work alone, work alone, have lunch alone, go shopping alone, come home alone, and go to bed alone; to spend an entire day or week or month or lifetime with only the bare minimum of social interaction, nearly no real human contact at all. We can so easily become so utterly isolated even while we are surrounded by others.

Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

As the commentators on the radio said, we expect to receive all of our intimacy, all of our important soul-nourishing love and interaction come from our romantic partner. We mock and we demean relationships that come close to that level of closeness outside of romance. If we see two men or women who share their lives and feelings and souls, who truly cherish one another; how often do we laugh and joke about their sexuality? How often do we tease them? In the Bible we see the relationship between David who would later become king of Israel and Jonathan the son of Saul. They shared more than football games and fishing trips. They loved each other.

“Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day, and would not let him go home to his father’s house anymore. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.”

1 Samuel 18:1-3

Their relationship was of mutual love and care and yet so many people claim only that this is an example of homosexuality in the Bible. Why does it have to be? Why must we jump to that? I think it’s because we are so trained to think of this level of intimacy as being solely romantic that we are incapable to seeing it any other way. And should we be surprised if this has a tangible effect on us? Is it any wonder that people find life to be without reason and their own lives to be without value when there is no one around them who values them?

God said at the beginning of creation that it is not good for man to be alone. Humans are inherently social beings even if we’re not always good at it, even if some of us aren’t as social as others. We really should be seeking out relationships rather than avoiding them. We should be looking to know the people around us rather than ignoring them.

If all we ever think about it is ourselves than how can we expect to help others? How can we foster good will and brotherhood when we don’t even want to talk to our neighbors? How can we heal the wounds of the marginalized if we do nothing but push others away? How can we build this family if everyone acts like an only child?

I don’t really have a strong answer, as I said I’m still working on this myself. I think we can all start to change how we think and how we act but it won’t be easy, change rarely is. Try to look outside yourself and don’t let your friendships be shallow empty things. Don’t just say hello at the water cooler, discuss more than just the score of last nights game or the plot twist to last night’s episode. Don’t be afraid to be close. Don’t be afraid of real friendship.